Change of Heart
by rachelcullen77
Summary: Edward is severely ill. He dreams of a blonde god who he has never met, yet knows everything about. Who is he? And why does he matter so much to Edward? OOC. Slash. Entry for the Slash Backslash Contest. Angsty.


_**SLASH BACKSLASH ONE-SHOT CONTEST**_

**Story Name: Change of Heart**

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Pen name: rachelcullen77**

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Pairing: Edward/Jasper**

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Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, nor do I make money from writing this.**

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To see other entries in the "SLASH BACKSLASH" contest, please visit the C2: **

**http ://www( dot) fanfiction (dot) net/c2/74941/3/0/1/**

**I hope you enjoy this!**

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"Quick...Hook me up an IV......BP 135/88...Edward...Edward....Can you hear me..."

Hundreds of voices were shouting all at once in a big wave of confusion. Pain was shooting through Edward as his heart stuttered over and over. There was blood covering his white shirt and his face was pale, his eyes shut tight with no life in them. A beautiful woman sat to his left, squeezing his hand tightly. The woman had tears on her face, and you could clearly see the lines of age, and stress, but it made her look more timeless.

"Mrs Cullen? Esme? What happened?"

The woman looked up, and her cheeks paled at whatever memories were running through her mind.

"I don't know. He was just round for dinner. We were all laughing and then Carlisle went to give him a high five, but as he lifted his hand up, his body seemed to...implode. His face creased in pain and he fell to the floor. He coughed up some blood and then he was silent." The woman broke off, more tears flowing down her cheeks.

"It's happening isn't it?" she whispered.

"What is?" the nurse asked, her tone concerned but absorbed in what the woman was saying.

"When he was just a baby, we found out he has congestive heart failure. He was given medication, but the Doctor told us that his heart could fail at any moment, that it wasn't a certainty, but to be prepared. It's finally happened. I know it."

The nurse glanced at the slowing heart beat on the screen and then turned back to the woman.

"You need to come with me. Let him go, the Doctors will do whatever they can to save him, I promise."

Esme took one last glance at her son, and a quiet sob escaped her before she ran from the room, as suddenly, Edward's heart beat stopped.

*****

A young woman lay on the bed in the hospital, her short dark hair hanging limp across the white, sterile sheets. A man sat at her side, his head in his hands. He had blonde hair that curled gently around his face. His head shot up and the sight made the Doctor in the room flinch slightly. The man's eyes were blood shot and filled with the utmost despair. It was like looking into the deepest pits of hell. There were red marks from where his nails had dug into his cheeks. He had a black eye and his hair was matted and stuck to his face with sweat.

"Please..." he whispered. "Is there not...anything?" His voice broke on the last word.

"I'm so sorry, Jasper. But she's brain dead. We can't bring her back," the Doctor said clinically, his voice resounding around the room with a horrifying certainty.

"Jasper, I know you're in pain right now, but I have to ask about...organ donation?"

Jasper stared back at the Doctor and then nodded, his face scrunching up in pain. With a low cry, Jasper took one last look at the girl, and then punched the wall beside her. He jumped back and ran from the room. He fell to the ground outside and didn't look when they wheeled away the girl he loved.

*****

**EPOV**

The visions were coming fast. My eyes were closed but my mind was filled with images. Faces were blurred and places unrecognisable; except one. It kept returning to the forefront of my mind. The features of the face were sharp and beautiful. I sat up with a jump, and the depression hit me hard when I realized they weren't there. My eyes closed of their own accord and soon, the mind numbing peace was back.

*****

There was blackness everywhere. My arms and legs felt like lead; when I tried to move them, nothing happened. I tried to remember something, anything...but all I could think of was the blackness.

Than all of a sudden, I saw something. A face appeared in my line of vision and I felt my whole body relax when I saw it. The vision had stunning blue eyes that were shining brightly as they seemed to look straight at me. They had blonde hair that hung around their face, but they made it look beautiful. Their smile was quirking up at one side and I felt my body melt away from the lead restraints. I could move my limbs again and I did so. My actions caused more pictures of the mysterious person to flow through my mind. I didn't know them; yet I knew everything about them. It was this vision that claimed my first words when I woke up. As my eyes flickered open, the first image of the person returned to my head. My mouth opened, and I uttered a single, unknown name.

"Jasper..."

*****

I couldn't look at my parent's faces. When I had first said his name, they had turned to each other, panic all over their faces. When their eyes had turned back to me, they smiled, but I could still see the tense fear in their frozen eyes. I was changed; I wasn't the same person I once was. Even I knew that.

As I sat in the hospital bed across from them, my mind was once again filled with the same face...Jasper, the voice in my head sighed. I frowned. I didn't know this person, not at all. But some strange feeling of recognition filled my body. I could tell you everything about him; he was 22 years old, studied art history, and worked at a car garage until he'd finished his courses.

I jumped when the next vision hit me with such unforeseen force, and my whole body started shaking in terror. As if in slow motion, there was a car heading straight for me. I felt something grip my hand and I turned to see this...this Jasper looking at me, his gaze one of shock and undiluted fear.

He kept his gaze and it seemed to happen in slow motion. I turned back to see the car flying towards us. I heard my mouth let out a loud scream and then the noise was deafening. The car smashed into us and I was thrown backwards, something hitting my chest. I let out another cry, this time at the pain, and then everything went black.

When the vision finished, my eyes shot open and I too began to scream.

"Jasper!" I yelled, not even knowing who I was calling for. "Jasper! Where is he? Help him," I urged desperately to the two people at the end of the room. _Your mother and father_, a voice said. However, the recognition didn't go through me.

"HELP HIM!" My voice frightened myself. It terrified me even more that I was scared for this Jasper. Again, without meaning, my voice screamed again. "JASPER!" I screeched, my voice surprisingly high. I felt my arms begin to tear at the wires attached to me.

Suddenly, the room was filled with people all shouting different orders. I felt hands grasp at me, but I pushed them away. All I could think about was Jasper. I had to get to him. I had to save him; he couldn't die.

"JASPER!" I yelled again, the people right next to me cringing away. In that split second, I managed to get every hand off me, and I was sitting up, pulling at the wires again. Then I felt a short, sharp pain in my arm, and all the life was sucked from me. I could feel myself slipping slowly away, my head lolling onto my shoulders. Voices echoed in my ear, but one stood out above the others.

"Alice," a golden voice whispered. I felt myself frown deeply. I wasn't Alice; I was Edward.

"I'm so sorry," the voice whispered. "I love you." And then the blackness overcame me, both in the vision and in my life. It was over; I could sense it.

And it terrified me.

*****

Everything was a blur. I could feel something, so it meant I wasn't dead. When I opened my eyes, my heart sank more than I'd anticipated. He wasn't here.

"Mom?" I asked questionably to the woman I recognised at the foot of the bed. Her head shot up and I could see the strain this had put on her. I hated to put even more on her now; but I had to ask.

"Mom, where's Jasper? Is he okay?"

I saw the smile fall from her face and instead it was replaced by a heart broken, hollow look.

"Honey," she whispered, moving over to me and taking my hand. "You don't know a Jasper." She tried to smile at me, but she couldn't. Her face was too tense, too worried, too stressed about me.

"I know I don't...but I do, at the same time. I have never met him, but I can picture him in my mind. I saw him in the car crash. I have to help him, Mom!" The panic started rising in my voice again and my mother hit the call button above my bed.

"Sweetheart, you're just dreaming. The nurse will give you more pain meds. Just go back to sleep, darling." She brushed her hand over my matted bronze hair and retreated back into her protective shell when the nurse came bustling through.

"How are you feeling, Edward?"

"Like shit," I mumbled. She laughed a tinkling laugh and I tried not to groan. _I see the heart transplant hasn't made you any less impatient, _I thought to myself.

I sighed. I was going insane.

When the nurse injected the medication into my IV, I sighed again, this time in relief. Now everything could just disappear; I wouldn't have to face the unwelcome pain I felt whenever I saw Jasper's face. I didn't need to worry.

*****

I woke up again. I heard voices around me, but I kept my eyes shut, listening in to their conversation. I heard my mother's high pitched voice, my father's serious tone, and another...a _doctor_?

"You have to know something!" I heard my mom exclaim.

"Listen, Esme, I need to see him first before I can make any assumptions. Now, tell me again, everything, just so I know my notes are correct.

"He keeps talking about this...this Jasper. We don't know any Jasper, and neither does he-he even said that himself! And a car crash, he mentioned how he had to save Jasper from the car crash."

I heard the doctor scribble something down, and then he hummed in...realization? Imagination?

"Has he mentioned anything about a girl called Alice?"

I sat up straight in the bed.

"YES!" I yelled. "She was in the car with Jasper and I. Jasper told her he was sorry, and that he loved her! I knew it! I knew he was real!" The doctor looked at me with concern etched over his features.

"Edward, you weren't in a car with them. Alice and Jasper... they were an engaged couple. They got in a car crash, and Alice was severely injured. She died two days ago. You were given her heart," the doctor whispered. I felt my hands tremble.

_How could this be?_

*****

**JPOV**

_ June 18__th_

_Alice,_

_.......You're gone._

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_ June 25__th_

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_I have lost...everything._

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_ July 19__th_

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_I can't breathe without you. Everything....is over. _

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_ July 21__st_

_Alice, _

_It's been a month. One month without you. The pain gets worse every day. I keep expecting to see you, and then I don't. It hurts more every time. It feels like I've been ripped apart, I know I can never be whole without you. Everything I've ever done, everything I want to do, is hopeless without you. How can I live in a world where you aren't here? I die every day when I see your picture. Your smell still surrounds me, in our little house. I go to your closet and just sit there. I stare at the wall, I can't do anything else. But sometimes, the pain gets even worse. I can't function then. I fall down and I can't get back up. My body feels like its on fire, burned by the torturous fires of hell, keeping you from me. Screams echo through our room and the loss behind them staggers me. I can't comprehend how much pain the noise makes. And then I realize it's me. I'm the one who lost. I had everything, and now...it's all gone._

_I would plead for you to come back to me, try and bargain with God, but I know the truth. You aren't coming back; which is why I'm coming to you._

_I'm sorry for everything, Alice. I'm sorry for what I didn't say, for getting annoyed over little things, for not telling you I loved you enough, for not telling you how special, and wonderful you were and how lucky I was to have you. I'm sorry for not saving you. I'm sorry that you had to die and that I had to stay. But yet I'm not. I couldn't let you go through the pain that I feel right now. I'm sorry for doing this. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to, but I can't breathe, I can't feel, I can't see anything without you. You took my heart and my soul away with you, and I can never get those back._

_So I'm sorry. Alice, I love you._

_I'll be seeing you soon._

_Jasper xx_

I took the pills from my bag and laid them in front of me. Placing the alcohol next to them, I smiled for the last time. _Alice, I'm coming to you_, I thought. _I love you too much to let you go._

*****

**EPOV**

I was out. Working here gave my father certain privileges, one being that he could access the paperwork to release patients. Voila!

My Doctor had talked to me about cellular memory about a couple of weeks before. He had made me tell him everything about Jasper. But for some reason, I couldn't. He was mine, he was...special...to me.

I longed for sleep, so I could see his face in my dreams. I knew the feelings that surged through me weren't mine; they were this...Alice's. But that knowledge didn't stop me from loving him.

Yes, I did love him. I knew that already. I knew that because everything waking moment, I thought of him, I craved him. Every sleeping moment, he filled my head with his quirked up smile, piercing blue eyes, and with sweet whispers of love and longing and adoration.

_For Alice._

It hurt, I admitted that. It hurt that the love wasn't directed at me. But I could live with that, just as long as I was able to see him. I saw visions of parks and laughter, tears, utter joy and contentment.

Every touch that Alice felt in my visions, I felt too. Every one shocked me, like electricity. A jolt of heat, of lust, of love would go through me, and I would always want more.

However, I knew that was something I would never get. I would never meet Jasper, and he would never know of the man who would love him, always.

*****

The next day, it was just over a month after I'd been hospitalized. 21st of June. I went out for a walk, to try and think without the constant checks from my parents.

Mom was too protective. She argued with my father.

"He could die!" she'd screamed at him, pushing her fists against him. No emotion crossed my face as I watched her fall into his arms and clutch at him in terror. I watched her fall apart, everything breaking into small pieces.

And because of me.

I slipped out the back. I couldn't watch it any longer; it was too much, too much to bear. Mom was supposed to be strong, she was the one who always held me up, and now that bridge was collapsing, and soon, I knew I would too.

I didn't know where I was going. I just kept going, and going, and going.

I could spot familiar sights as I passed places I had been. _But, you haven't been here before_, my brain told me. I froze when I reached a street name. _I'd never been here, so why did it feel like home?_

My feet moved on their own accord down the street. They turned in at a small, pleasant looking house. I couldn't stop myself. I walked up to the door, and knocked. When no one answered, my mind yelled at me to turn around, to go back to my parents. But my heart and body knew what it was doing. I lifted up my hand and pushed open the door.

The room inside smelled funny, slightly sickly, but with an air of dust. I could smell alcohol.

I walked through the door way into a hall.

"Hello?" I called out. I walked cautiously to another door. It was a living room; but it was empty, no one was there. I called out again, but nobody was downstairs.

I began to climb the stairs, the sense of foreboding increasing. The stairs creaked and I jumped, waiting for the person that should come jumping out at me. But there was nothing.

I carried on my path and eventually reached the landing. One door at the end was slightly open and I moved towards it.

That was when I saw him; Jasper. I recognised every bit of him from my dreams; his hair, his hands, his tattoo.

But then I realized something. He wasn't moving. No sound came out from him, no slight nudge or jolt or chest movement as he breathed. He lay on the bed, completely still, as if he were dead.

With those words, my brain kicked into action. I ran over to his bed, grabbed his arm and checked for a pulse. I nearly collapsed in relief when I found one. It was faint, but it was there. My eyes swept across the bed, and for the first time I noticed the alcohol, and the empty packets of paracetemol.

My eyes widened in fear. I spotted a black book open at the end of the bed. I leaned over his body to read it, and what it said made my blood run cold.

_I'm sorry for doing this._

_And now...it's all gone._

_I'll be seeing you soon._

Jasper had tried to kill himself.

My father's medical voice started speaking in my head, and I rushed to comply with it. _Do I make him sick? _I wondered, but almost immediately, my father's voice told me not to. I rolled Jasper over, pulling him into the recovery position and cleared his airways. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket and rang 911.

"I think my...friend has overdosed," I said, sounding unnaturally panicked, even to my ears. Then the room started spinning. The feelings inside me had suddenly exploded and I didn't know what to do. I couldn't breathe, my lips wouldn't open. I had to save Jasper, he had to be okay. My chest hurt to think about him dying. Everything that Alice had felt about him, I felt and I knew it would never go away.

"Breathe," the woman on the phone ordered, and I managed to gasp a breath. "Now, deep breaths, you won't be able to help your friend if you pass out."

After the woman on the phone calmed me down, I managed to focus enough to hear her say an ambulance was on its way.

I sat there in terror, waiting for his breathing to stop, for his lips to turn blue. I jumped when the ambulance crew came rushing into the room.

"Are you who called?" one asked me whilst the other attended to Jasper. I nodded numbly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"I came upstairs, and he was just lying there, completely still. I thought he was dead." My voice broke on the last word and I clutched at my head.

"Come on son, he'll be okay. You did the right thing." He helped me up and I walked behind them as they carried Jasper out, his face pale and as lifeless as before. He hadn't moved an inch.

We sped through the town in the ambulance. The siren was on, but I didn't let myself think that it meant it was serious; I couldn't think like that. There was a lot of shouting at one point; I didn't look up to see what was happening. I just sat there, my head in my hands, praying that he would be okay, that he would get through this. He _had_ to get through this.

They rushed him away from me as soon as we stopped outside the hospital. I sank to the ground immediately, letting out an animalistic sob. I curled into a ball against the wall and waited. I rocked back and forwards, trying to distract myself, when my mobile rang. I looked at it, surprised. And then I frowned; it was my mother.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to make my voice less pained, more normal.

"Edward!" she screeched. "Where are you? I've been so worried! You could have been hurt, or you killed! Edward, get back to the house right—"

"Mom, I'm at the hospital," I interrupted. There was silence for a moment and then it began again.

"What the hell happened? Are you okay?"

"Mom, I'm fine. It...I..." Could I really tell her?

"Edward, tell me!" she exclaimed, but worry laced her tone, making her seem less angry.

"I found Jasper." She didn't reply. Not one word. I sighed, "Mom, I wasn't looking for him, it just happened. Drop it. I need to go check on him. Bye."

I hung up abruptly and groaned again, sobs once more raking through my body. What if he didn't make it? How would I survive?

I stood up again, this time determined to get to see him. I _needed_ him. I walked up to the nurse at the desk and tried to put a smile on. I'm sure I didn't manage though.

"I need to see Jasper Whitlock. Please," I begged.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you can't. He's still being seen too."

"Please!" I cried, my voice breaking. "Just once, I'll leave straight away."

She stared at me for a moment longer and then sighed, "Fine, he's in room 316, just down that corridor."

I ran like I'd never run before. I burst into the room, ignoring the nurses who asked me to walk. There was a Doctor in the room as well, but he didn't look surprised to see me.

"Is he okay?" I asked. My tone was coloured with the same panic as before.

"He's going to be fine." The doctor smiled at me and I sank onto the chair in relief. "I'll leave you alone. Press the call button if you need anything."

I nodded thankfully to him, and he left, leaving me alone in a room with Jasper. Suddenly, the electricity charged through the air. I was inches from touching him, and I couldn't help myself. I lifted my hand up and brushed it against his hand.

I let out a gasp when we touched. The charge that shuddered through my body was an unmistakeable jolt of lust. I felt whole when I touched him, whole even though I hadn't realized I was empty before it. I itched to do it again, so I did, the sharp shock just as noticeable this time round. Jasper moved this time, and my hand flew back in surprise. But....he...he _smiled_. I watched his hand as his fingers grasped the air, searching for something. Hesitantly, I moved my hand back, and then I touched him. His fingers tightened around mine, gripping them for dear life. My breathing quickened again. _This could not be good for my heart, _I thought wryly.

I turned my gaze to his face and was shocked to see it relaxed and...happy? Then, my heart skipped a beat when he opened his eyes to see me. He stared at me for several long seconds and then he realized we were touching. He dropped my hand and I held it back to my body.

"What happened?" he asked, his voice wary and hoarse, his eyes glancing over me.

"I don't know. I found you in your room. You'd passed out. I phoned an ambulance and they brought you here."

He stared at me again in shock.

"How did you get in- Who are- Where's Alice?" he suddenly whimpered. My heart fell at how broken he sounded, as if he would never be fixed again.

"She died," I whispered. "In the car crash, remember? I'm sorry," I said, looking away. I heard a sob and my head shot up in alarm. I was over by his side before I could say anything. My fingers rose to his face before I could stop them. I ran them gently over his cheekbone and his eyes widened. Our connection grew and grew until my fingers started shaking and I drew them back quickly when he gasped.

"I'm sorry," I said, my face burning and I turned away. He was silent for a moment and when his voice broke the silence, I jumped. He sounded shaken, but I detected a little bit of...hope?

"Who are you?" he asked simply. I turned back around to him, and his eyes burned into mine, but I was unable to look away.

"My name is Edward Cullen and I think I have Alice's heart."

*****

He'd thought I was crazy. But I'd explained it all, and he'd began to understand.

He wanted to see me again.

But it was just for Alice; I knew that.

I sat a coffee shop in the centre of town, a week later, my eyes eagerly awaiting the arrival of him. They were trained on the door, waiting for it to open.

When it did, my eyes lit up and I smiled in delight. To my surprise, he smirked back at me, and I felt my face grow heated. I shifted slightly, unused to the reaction that this man emitted from me.

I wasn't gay; but I was drawn to him, no, it was more than that, I needed him now, needed him to breathe.

But I hated that it was Alice who had made me feel this way. I wanted to love him by myself, and not have somebody else in the middle.

"Hey," he said, now shy. I looked up again and was face to face with the deep blue eyes that featured in my dreams every night.

"Hey," I replied softly. My fingers twitched on the table, desperate to feel him, but unable to. It was like I was chained to the table. "How are you?" I asked quickly, trying to distract his attention from my hand. He looked up at me strangely and frowned.

"I'm okay. You?" _Crap without you, _I thought sadly in my head. I shrugged.

"Okay, I suppose."

"You look tired," he stated, and it was my turn to frown. I _was _tired; I was up half of the night after my dreams of him disappeared. "The dreams?" he whispered. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to let tears fall at the venom in his voice. I nodded once, tightly. I felt something against my cheeks and I shuddered, but leaned into whatever it was. I opened my eyes in surprise when I realized it was his hand.

"Edward, please, don't look away," he pleaded.

"Why?" I asked hoarsely. "I'm just a fucking crazy stranger who dreams of you and stalks you and has the heart of you fiancé. Why the hell would _you _want to look at _me_? I might as well save myself the pain," I told him bitterly. Without a backwards glance I stood up and stormed away from the table. As soon as I was outside, I couldn't stop the tears. I couldn't stop the maniac sobs that raked through my whole body. When I got to my apartment, I fell to the ground, curling up into as small a ball as possible.

I couldn't face what I had just done. I had lost him. I'd only just gotten him, and now I'd lost him again. I'd shouted at him, I'd _hurt _him.

I screamed into my body, too angry at myself for words.

But then I seemed to calm. I felt myself relax as warm arms wrapped around me, lifting me from the ball. I felt myself be put on something soft, but then the arms disappeared. I cried out in pain, my voice cracking and hurting my throat. Immediately, the arms were back, wrapping completely around me. I felt cool breath against me, words falling from someone's mouth but I couldn't hear what was said. The hands on my back ran soothingly up and down and I eventually fell into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

*****

It was dark when I woke up. I sighed in contentment at the smell that was laced around me. I moved closer to the person that was still wrapped around me and inhaled again. I brushed my lips across the person's chest, and then suddenly, I felt something against my leg. My eyes shot open and I looked up to see Jasper staring down at me, his eyes filled with lust.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry." I tried to move backwards, but his arms were suddenly vices around me.

"Don't be," he growled. He leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. The fire that shot through me was unbelievable. I moaned and pressed closer against him, my hands gripping his hair. I ran my tongue along his lower lip and his hips jutted forward to rub against mine. My lips smashed against his again, and then the sexiest sound I'd ever heard came from his lips.

Jasper moaned. _He fucking moaned. _I smiled secretly inside; it was me who had made him moan.

But then my dreams went out the picture.

"Oh God, Alice," he cried against my lips.

It was like an arrow had been shot straight through my chest. The pain seemed too much to believe. It was unbearable. It wasn't like anything I'd ever felt. I felt like I'd been carved out from the inside, just because of a few words. I let out a low cry of pain and pushed him away, jumping up and moving to the window. I held onto the wooden sill and tried to hold myself together.

_Breathe, Edward, breathe. _

I was focusing on breathing so much, that I didn't notice Jasper come up behind me.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered. "But, the way you felt, it was just like her. Fucking hell, please, please, don't look like that. It kills me."

"Why the hell would it kill you?" I spat out, still refusing to look at him.

"Edward, there's something about you. It draws me to you. You make me feel hopeful, that I can have some sort of life again."

I had to see him, to see if he was telling the truth.

"But she'll always be there. I guess I knew that," I said hollowly.

"Edward, I can only promise to try."

I took a deep breath and then I signed my heart away.

"That's enough for me," I whispered. As he leaned in to me again, my heart beat loudly.

I didn't believe him. I knew that Alice would always be there, but I also knew I didn't care. If the only way to have him was to break my heart in the process, then that's what I would do. I didn't care what it did to me.

*****

It was a month later. I was over at Jasper's, he was making me dinner. I tried not to roll my eyes too much at that. It was kind of cliché, but what did I care? I had him with me, the only thing that mattered.

We ate in silence, staring into each other's eyes like a pair of lovesick puppies; except I knew it was only me who was lovesick.

We went to watch a film, and he put his arm around me. From that moment on, I didn't notice anything else. All I could focus on was the feel of his body against me. It made me whole.

But as his other hand went to my thigh, I had to fucking whimper. He kept going, running his hand up, almost to where I wanted it, and then back down.

My breathing grew heavy, the feeling of his hand on me too much to bear. I closed my eyes, and my head rolled back. My hands were shaking again, shaking with the effort it took not to run my hands all over him. All of a sudden, his lips were on my neck. I let out a loud gasp and my hands flew to his shoulders. I felt his lips curve into a smile against my skin and I shuddered as he then swirled his tongue on the hollow in my neck. His lips made a trail up my skin until they reached my lips. He kissed me forcefully, and I groaned, loving the new dominating Jasper. We broke apart to breathe and he gazed at me, his eyes full of unspoken words.

"Edward, I-"

"Don't say anything," I interrupted quickly, and I brushed my lips against his, hoping that he would continue. There was nothing better than him.

This time while we kissed, his hands drifted lower, and I felt heat race through my body at exponential speeds, everything suddenly set alight. But then his hands, for the first time, traced my skin, just under my t-shirt, and everything seemed heightened. The burning in the pit of my stomach grew and I could feel my eyes darken in lust. He brushed his fingers along the length of my stomach and then back again, raising the hairs on the back of my neck and making me shiver. He broke off to smile against my skin, pleased with himself. I chuckled at him, when he licked his lips at me and leaned back in. His fingers traced patterns up my chest, taking my t-shirt with it. He pulled it over my head and threw it onto the ground beside us.

"Wait-" I exclaimed, pushing his hands away. "Jasper, what are you doing?" I whispered. Why was he doing this? I knew he would stop, and it would break my heart.

"I'm ready, Edward, please," he pleaded with me, his eyes sad. I hated making him feel like that; he'd had a hard enough life already. So, in that I had my answer. I couldn't say no to him.

I raised my hand and let my palm run down his cheek.

"Of course." _I love you._

I threaded my fingers into his and pulled him up. He understood immediately, and led the way to his bedroom.

It was a soft brown colour, very feminine. Jasper froze for a few seconds when we first entered and I immediately back tracked, pulling him out of the bedroom.

"Jasper, we don't have to do this. Not when you can't. I don't mind."

His eyes narrowed at me and I smiled, glad that he was back. He yanked me back into the room and pulled me over to the bed. Laughing, I fell backwards, and he followed, landing on me. He moved up to kiss me, but the movement rubbed against my groin and my eyes rolled back in my head. I groaned loudly, and suddenly, he wasn't so playful anymore. He kissed me with a new edge, something different under the surface.

The taste of him sent me spinning, and I could feel everything against me. He began to kiss down my neck again, the sensation making me dizzy. When he reached my chest, I moaned, sparks flying all the around, blinding me. He took one of my nipples in his mouth, and I gasped. No one had ever done that to me before_, _and it felt so fucking good_._

His hand ran up to my other nipple and he rolled it between his fingers. I jumped, pushing my hips into his, and it was his turn to groan. The sound made me buzz and with a sudden confidence, I flipped him over and slid down him. When my mouth reached his waist, I pulled his shirt off and pressed my lips against his stomach. He flinched and whimpered, and I smirked slyly.

I let my tongue run over the trail of hair that led downwards, and I followed it. I breathed out deeply when my nose reached the straining fabric of his pants.

"Edward..." he breathed unevenly. I caught the zipped in my teeth and pulled it carefully down. His erection sprang forth at once and I groaned.

_He was going commando. _

_Fuck._

I pulled his jeans down, my face falling slightly as I had to move away from the beautiful sight before me. I quickly crawled back up him and I stared in amazement for a few seconds before my hand grasped his cock and slid up, and then back down.

His cry of shock made me smile. _I'd made him wild, not Alice, ME._

I continued my movements, and his arms clutched frantically at the covers of his bed, his fingers digging into the mattress. I could see his face; his eyes were shut in pleasure, his mouth slightly open.

He was beautiful.

Slowly, I leaned forward and pressed a slight kiss to the tip of his erection. This time, he couldn't control his reaction at all. His hips bucked up to my face, desperate for more contact. As much as I wanted to tease him, the urge to taste him became too much. I slid my lips over the head of his cock, and I slid down, my hands pressing into his hips to keep him still. I hummed around him and I felt his hands move from the bed cover to my hair, and grasp it tightly, pulling me further down him.

When he touched the back of my throat, I tried to relax, and miraculously, I was able to take him in a little further.

I didn't even realize that I hadn't done this before; it felt natural to do this to him. It flowed easily; the moans and groans he released made me harder with every movement. His hands tugged fiercely on my hair, hurting me slightly, but that little bit of pain just added to the pleasure of him in my mouth.

He didn't taste like I'd expected. It was much more subtle, more unexpected, and I found I liked it, craved it in fact. With every suck, I relished in the glorious taste of him, the amazing sensation of him in my mouth, the incredible turn on it was to know what I was doing to him. My heart felt like it was going to burst with lust, happiness, and pride.

Jasper's cries grew wilder as he reached his climax, and his hips thrust up from the bed.

"Oh God! Alice, please, Alice! Fuck!" he groaned, and released into my mouth.

I sat back.

My mind was racing, but my body was numb. The pain was beginning to radiate from my chest, and soon I lost all power of thought. I couldn't think; the pain overpowered everything.

I heard something horrible from my chest, a howl of desperate hope.

But I knew there was no hope.

He'd never been in it for me.

It was Alice, always Alice.

I had to get away.

I stood up, and quickly ran. Jasper made no sound; though I saw his lips move. I ran from the room and into the hall, but there was something on the floor, and I tripped, falling to the ground.

I couldn't get back up. I had no strength left. The darkness exploded inside of me and I struggled to breathe. Everything seemed insignificant now. I felt my insides tear apart some more, just remembering the way he'd said her name. The pain was too catastrophic to focus on reality around me. I just curled myself up, and let the battering begin. Every thought, every word of the past few weeks, had been about him, and now everything was over. My heart gave up and died. My new heart might be strong, but I knew it would not survive this. It was broken forever.

I closed my eyes tight and sobbed.

He'd never been there for me, it had always been her.

And I knew... it would always be her.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed reading this, I'm sorry that the ending isn't happy. Please review and let me know what you think. **

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